Sometimes I Get A Good Feeling And Want To Jump Over the Moon

In 2012 I definitely want to Jump Over The Moon. I’m a young woman in a wheelchair. But, I have a history. I was born with gender dysphoria, trapped in the wrong body.

I have blogged before, but this blog marks the start of a new chapter. I have many supportive friends around me, and I couldn’t live my life so happily without  them, so let me start by expressing my gratitude.

I have a volatile relationship with my mother, and have been abused by my former stepfather in the past. However none 0f that is relevant to the here and now. As a friend of mine has suggested, we all have a past but are not bound by it.

I have realised that the things my mother says, and the things my stepfather said are only words and have no bearing on the way I choose to live my life. This is the first step to what I think will be my eventual healing.

There is also a platitude in gossip magazine psychology which suggests that in order for somebody to love you, you also need to love yourself. True, but a good support network helps a great deal. Even the most emotionally hard bitches of all time need external validation from somewhere.

This is what I found when I entered the gay scene in Southampton. I made friends easily. It is easier also because the people are like minded, or supportive, they are also empathic. The best advice I can give anyone is to find an empathic support network, whether it’s the gay scene, a zumba class or a tropical fish club. In itself, that doesn’t matter. What matters is that you feel comfortable and at home.

I have also found that honesty is the best policy. However, don’t spill your life story on Day 1, or even Day 10. It can scare and come across as too intense.

Remember, any support network is tight knit and newbies are generally viewed with suspicion. Be prepared to answer questions and know people’s boundaries and limits. This should make for a successful integration of you into that support network.

But people will reject you and not like you. No one likes everyone. Fact. Don’t let it ruin your day, your week or your life.

So, like Flo Rida I have a good feeling about 2012 and want to jump over the moon. I feel more confident and alive than ever before.

Today, good people, I watched Rent. It encompasses so much hope, and Bohemian spirit, through subtle lyrics. It takes the watcher or listener on a journey of othering and anti-gay sentiment, but also triumph and hope. It leaves me feeling emotional every time, but also inspired, very. It’s not a nice big camp showstopper, but it speaks to the soul, to every human in a minority who has been discriminated against, and gives them a voice.

At the other end of the scale there’s the lushness of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Story of Musicals programme, currently showing on BBC Four. They did a short  segment on Starlight Express.

It is about a group of racing trains. Poppa, an old steam locomotive, reminds Rusty,  the underdog in the race, that only he has the power to change the outcome. This is so true you know. To see the change you have to be the the change.

In 2012 I want to jump over the moon. I want to experience life to its fullest as a woman, hopefully with a girlfriend. I want to get a tattoo. Maybe some words and a few pictures as I said to someone today.

But most of all, I’m happy. I have amazing friends, and enjoy life, and no matter what anyone says, I’ll carry on jumping up and down with the eventual goal of reaching the moon. Men in white coats, stay back! It was only a metaphor.


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